Scene One – The Panto House is sold
The stage is set as the grand entrance of the Hopton Panto House. There is a grand staircase at the rear the bottom few steps and balustrade of which are real whilst the remainder is backcloth. Out in the auditorium is a large inverted candelabra (preferably lit) suspended above the audience with a wire which will allow it to “crash down” onto the stage later on.
The chorus, dressed informally, are on stage. There is a slight hubbub as they wait for proceedings to commence. During the introduction to the song the hubbub ceases and the chorus gets into formation. The master of ceremonies steps forward bearing a mace which he taps down on the floor a number of times before starting the song. The named people enter on cue from the wings.
Gondoliers (From the sunny Spanish shore)
Master of Ceremonies
“Your attention if you please
No-one cough or sneeze or wheeze
Our guests of honour; gentlemen”
Chorus (men)
“Poligny and Debienne”
Chorus (ladies)
“And the Comte de Chagny to
He is very well-to-do”
Chorus
He is very well-to-do.
With a very hearty cheer they now go on their way
As they leave to Hopton Panto House for good today
They will very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
Soon be on their way!
Comte de Changy
“Let us raise a hearty cheer”
(Chorus - weak cheer)
Master of ceremonies
“From the front, the side and rear!”
(Chorus - hearty cheer)
Chorus (ladies)
Their final panto was a hit
Chorus (men)
Their Widow Twankey was a twit
Comte de Changy
“As we send them on their way
With a gift or two, today”
Chorus
With a gift or two today.
With a very hearty cheer they now go on their way
As they leave to Hopton Panto House for good today
They will very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
Soon be on their way!
They will very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
Soon be on their way!
| Debienne | Thank you, thank you. Monsieur Poligny and I will miss you very much… |
| Poligny | Miss you, miss you. |
| Debienne | Our time here as joint owners of the panto house has been most enjoyable and we wish you all well… |
| Poligny | Wish you, wish you. |
| Debienne | Financial constraints have led us to sell our shares although I do not wish to sound mawkish you will understand… |
| Poligny | Kish you, kish you. |
| Ch 1 | Cheeky so-and-so! |
| Debienne | (Glaring at Poligny) I am afraid the new owner, Monsieur Richard, is British, you will forgive us I hope? |
| Poligny | Tish you, tish you. |
| Chorus | Bless you! |
| Raoul | Enough of this! As one of the principal sponsors of the panto house I hope you gentlemen can assure me that everything will be in safe hands? |
| Debienne | Of course! |
| Poligny | Of course! (Dropping the gift he had been presented with) |
| Chorus | Oh, great! |
Madam Giry steps forward.
| Giry | Has anybody told him? Has anybody warned him? He will not be pleased and we will be the ones to suffer! |
| Raoul | Madam Giry, what are you on about? |
| Giry | The ghost! |
| Chorus | The ghost!? |
| Debienne | Don’t be silly, Madam Giry, that is just a myth, you must stop saying such things. |
| Poligny | Myth you, myth you. |
| Debienne | Stop that! We’ve done that bit. |
| Poligny | Sorry. (To Giry) Yeth, you mutht, must! |
| Giry | But it is not a myth. I have seen him. |
| All | (Alarmed) You have? |
Senor Vermicelli enters DL.
| Vermicelli | Zat ees enough, Madam Giry. You are scaring zees people unnecessarily. |
| Raoul | Ah! Senor Vermicelli. You will be directing our next pantomime as usual, I hope? |
| Vermicelli | I can’t, Count. |
| Raoul | I never asked you to. |
| Vermicelli | What? I thought you just asked me to direct ze next pantomime and I was saying that I cannot… |
| Raoul | Oh, I see! Sorry, I thought you were having trouble adding up and… but why can’t you direct? |
| Vermicelli | Ze new owner ee ‘as not asked me to. Ee ‘as the strange ideas; pantoosicals whatever they may be? Ze new broom sweeping clean, et cetera, et cetera. |
| Raoul | We’ll see about that! I think that my financial influence should account for something. Come, Vermicelli. |
All exit except Debienne, Poligny and Madam Giry.
| Poligny | Well, Debienne, perhaps we should be on our way before he finds out that we’ve…ow! |
| Debienne | (Stands on Poligny’s foot) Quite! Quite, Poligny! |
| Giry | We can’t have Monsieur Richard interfering, you know! |
| Debienne | Indeed, Madam Giry. |
| Giry | You gentlemen were so understanding. |
| Poligny | (Aside) Knew what side our bread was buttered! |
| Debienne | (Gives Poligny a dig) We tried to be, Madam Giry. |
| Giry | And he requires so little… |
| Poligny | (Aside) Broke us though, didn’t it! |
| Debienne | (Another dig) The tiniest amount, Madam Giry. Now, if you will excuse us, I think it’s time we departed. After all, don’t want to get under the feet of the new owner now, do we? |
Debienne and Poligny turn to depart L.
| Giry | (Shouting after them) He will have his say! He will be heard! Someone will be made to pay!! |
M Giry exits R. Carlotta enters through audience. Curtain.
